The Lock: A Lockdown of Bodily Stimulants, Egham, Surrey

The Hulks British Avatar is back this time from the beautifully located Runnymede on Thames Hotel just outside Windsor.

It all started with a lucrative offering of a high end place given that it is a 4 star hotel but oh praise the greenness of Hulk; Does it feel like a smash in two.

Yes I am talking about the Lock. Well it was lock alright with an offering of a delightful meal encompassing a twist of locking you down.

The fun started with a seared scallops considering I was in a fishy mood in all the possible entrees this evening. The presentation was similar to that of a jackal’s hair do. Fair play to them it was swimming in a texture that resembled a teething baby’s dribble.

Now how did I jump into this travesty. Well you know the usual stay here and live with what we’ve got because the next big thing near me is several miles away. Similar when you visit a distant relative with vengeance kind of a house whose cooking is driven by the seasonal off the low hanging shelf discount abomination . Because he just wasn’t bothered to welcome you.

Any who without divulging into atrocity let’s focus on Lock’s seafood offering. Seared scallops should belong to a texturised variety but Lock reminded me of an execution similar to Big Hulk’s attitude towards gentleness.

Crumbling and melted prior to it reaching the digestive system.

What next being  the brave soul of the evening I ventured into a British classic (as you do) the long awaited cod and big chips. Now from reading and travels I had established that one point the vids were endangered due to overfishing but I was about to endanger the very human livelihood through chewing what appeared to be a 40 percent  value batter. Yes you heard me the Big bad hulk was offered a #fish whose very flesh disappeared during the frying process. Get it right Lock.

Hoo Haa and the charm of the waiter could not withhold the trauma. Ps when it came to finishing up she included a service charge which I kindly declined. Do the chefs and the waiters ever have a round table at this place??

But baby food to start and a dripping rubber to chew for main I ventured into the sweet territory. Yes I enjoy my 3 course and I belong to that rough adventurist variety. The ones who succumb quality of food over a supposed van-gogish art excretion in a plate.  Just have a balance! And serving fish and chips in a chopping board these days  makes me so happy that I know the content is a parody in its own right.

Sweet was a tart. I mean really I had a chocolate tart. Readymade, easy, cheap and whacked with a vanilla flavoured ice cream. At least the mass producers get it right because they have their customers in mind.

But when a 4 star premises enters the so called custom/ bespoke arena of dining they like to focus more on the cost than the offering. Oops economics 101 cost-benefit; hello!!

Hulk crashed this place to the greenness of a an alien. If you wish to go there call the local takeaway at Keats the local Turkish diaspora offer what it says on the tin.

A good fat pizza or a kebab that not only satisfies a palette or two but doesn’t rip you off in the value for money front. You know what you are getting.


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