Now Now now just when they thought they had it. They actually are a several kilometres away from the perfect mid-level concept, ‘Indianesque’ ‘Bollywood of the veterans’ story. Would I actually queue to eat there. No in hindsight; but just to be part of the so called middle class crowd-following I carried out the examination of the fuss.
A cramped bar downstairs / eating area. Cocktails served on brass / glasses etc. Liveliness was an overstatement when it came to ambience. Have you ever seen nuns eat their dinners in medieval European monasteries? Well I haven’t either but the experience wasn’t far from that.
I waited an hour outside and then waited half an hour inside sipping time over alcohol. Why o why should a human wait an hour and half to eat. Oops I forgot to reserve; why should I reserve. Do you reserve a time to go to do the nature’s call. Well eating is as fundamental and a daily activity so please all you customer service personnel understand this. The next marketing strategy should be convenience over revenue. Trust me your top line is what makes you. If you are purely bottom line oriented then you work for a private equity hint hint innovation funding = intangible = accountants story of not understanding what makes a business. Enough ranting about the line by line inspectors.
Moving to Dishoom; so I sat down to order and drinks menu arrives; mind you I was 3 cocktails down by now and wasn’t the same optimist braving the cold 1:45 hours ago. Simple I am a customer who will give you custom that will pay your bills and moreover you make money by selling me something you prepare with some involvement of heat inside your divine kitchen; cut the foreplay if you can’t manage popularity written over reviews by career critics with an intellect similar to that of a mushrooms odour.
I don’t want more drinks just give me food and forget about still or sparkling because only thing that was about to sparkle was my face in the waiters memory for years.
So Lamb samosas to settle the cocktails followed by masala prawns as a starter. Prawns were yum but I have seen the back streets of Amritsar fry away Samosas that met the dripping mouth.
So time flies and I must have energised a muscle or two on the neck finger and the hands front. The waiting game as they say. Hello! I am a customer I require some food 2:15 mins later still as I can for an Indian meal not a parade counting on what tray will be mine and what isn’t mine.
Ooh ooh no! Ooh ooh he is coming he is coming no! Well well it does finally arrive the Kachhi lamb biryani. Now this dish was good; presentation was a little hurried and the magnanimous art of placing the plate. Hold on your thought; its emotion, its foreplay, it’s theatre the entire tapestry of serving etiquette. But what does he do? He whacks it on the table, no matter how busy you are or your dispute with the hierarchy, you don’t and I repeat you don’t annoy the hulk.
Yes the green hulk, because let me tell you something throughout this entire process I have only experienced bitterness. And for what? Why?
Dishoom no I didn’t try a dessert no what matter your mood board inspirations were coupled with the good intention. You lacked the very experience that millennials of today seek. Because I could t chew a sweet knowing there are individuals and families waiting in to come.
They await there three hours; Ps which they don’t know yet.
A better policy is to ask them to visit later and have surge / premium pricing to counter because trust me I would rather pay for a 1 and half hour meal than knowing it will waste my entire afternoon.
Ok all in all food is ok, ambience is that of a tea seller in the outskirts of Darjeeling without tea to sell. Mind you I have made some good friends over a Darjeeling tea stall playing carromboard and having a comradely banter.
You tried to do everything in a offering but my next Indian cuisine stop is the recent London- Indian phenomenon of the so called colonialesque, neo – Art Deco Gymkhana. Les see how they fare.
Dishoom you were a one stop. Yes in capitals ONE STOP.
Verdict 2.5 / 10
This is the Hulk’s, Queen’s English Speaking, Tea Drinking, Stiff Upper Lip Avatar the United Kingdom
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