Dive into the dungeon: Delfino Pizzeria, London

Great location well only a stone throw away from Claridge’s with service close to throwing stones at the restaurant’s facade itself.

Casual in the sense it has an ambience of a noisy school cafeteria with space per person available similar to that of a boulangerie chairs waiting to trap the ‘I love Paris’ tourists. Ooh wait till I do a Parisian review of restaurants and my sympathy towards the Paris Syndrome victims of culture shock especially amongst the well respected community of the nation state of Japan. Yep google it. ‘The Paris syndrome’

But this is not as bad as that; because it is after all a health safety driven consciousness of the British psyche. Delfino – I want to use my fingers and pivot it with my arms to reach and crunch those breadsticks without hurting the next to me on the table. And, please all you location based restaurants, space per person does matter and if Delfino; you were to be indexed you would come pretty close a domestic BPO (call centre environment) somewhere in the fifth floor of a flat that has no proper sanitation in the not so pretty part of Mumbai. More wires per person than the available oxygen. Pretty close!

So a kind message to all the decent or wanting to be decent restaurants no matter your history make sure the word ‘Covers’ (i.e. in restaurant speak tables sold) doesn’t dilute the experience. People or let’s call it the millenials will pay additional for these extra luxuries i.e. to move in order to eat conformably without any form of RSI. So while i did open the demographic debate up; All of you baby boomers nothing personal but you are one bunch of greedy individuals (not to mention the ecological / financial impact) who still cannot let go. We live in a post Non-Kyoto protocol ratified world. So kindly retire as even Greek youth unemployment would somehow drop overnight which is near the 50% mark. Not nice; really not pleasant.

I have this amazing habit of mapping something else when reviewing restaurants. But which nim-cum-poop wouldn’t. Even the career critics do it. The only difference is they are more worried about their #MAC or #BobbiBrown touching the glassware rather than having a helicopter view while deciding on the fate of a restaurant. Haha helicopter view that is a bit overstated; i mean the table view.
Folks, just putting it in perspective.

So Delfino of Mount street; fancy street huh with a mediocre offering. Don’t get me wrong the hulk loves your dough artists who like to shave off the remaining cobwebs that the cleaner missed in the morning from your ceilings and the parks hams meticulously place upon the dough.

Just for reference next time please listen to the correct order instead of rushing on given your busy schedule serving tables. No disrespect we are all humans including the waiters and we all have two hands no matter whatever the Guinness world record per maximum plate per hand. Please listen, smile, make eye contact, acknowledge and more importantly listen, right body language and LISTEN. Why do Corporates spend million learning six sigma and having lean specialist and black belts etc etc. Why o Why. One simple reason is to GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. And be punctual.

So what did I order? Oh yes I was being brave on the calorie front which rather well complimented by a calamari order with zucchini. It took some time to arrive while I was positioned in the inside of the restaurant somewhere that I couldn’t even achieve an appropriate bodily posture that the Sunday Times supplements advocate to the inquisitive readership who are too busy reading it scoffing a scone as opposed actually doing it sort of readership / audience. Yes it was a Saturday night but the fun had only begun.

The starters came yes it was fried but maybe shallow and deep fried is just a question to far too ask to the lovely gentleman serving us. Yes let’s call it Lost In Translation with the only word uttered back being ‘ yesssa ittt isss faarieed’. Not that I live on Onomatopoeia but my mind had some scheming ‘Bang, Pow, Bloop, Sloosh, Ching, Baboosh, YOuTossser’ moment. Make what you want of it in a civilised manner.

It was dripping that’s all to all I have to say you Politically Correct metrosexuals. You see less is indeed more – DRIPPPPPing

So the main course had been ordered. A four cheese in plain English or Quattro Formaggi in a foreign lingo where pizza was supposedly invented. See i have problem with food and inventions because Tomatoes weren’t neither was chilli, now was lamb. Please for future refrain from invention and stick to prepared and even that has many variations. Regardless I am a margarita / four seasons person. Oops I meant cheeses.

What next?
Well Well Señor you were just too plain busy to get anything in order; the place was cramped and loud and PS the customers here were how can I put this majority were ‘non-millennials’. Families I have no problem with nor the kids but this was hardy a family restaurant (contrary to welcome / marketing) although everything about it was meant to be. There is a saying but it might be a bit rude for this particular blog. Oops have to sneeze.. Aaa tic chiooo Cougars (google what it means if you are from an innocent party). Oops that was below the belt but hey ho what I know as i never read any anthropology book nor did i have any interest in sociology. And not to mention who follow these yep those too. Generally if a frog is in attendance then snakes are not too far maybe just a different table in the case of Delfino. PS i wasn’t hinting at their pizza toppings.
Moving onto food; average mediocre pizza a little burnt but I took it with a pinch of spice and bingo finished it in a matter of 15 mins. Now i don’t know the average pizza eating time but it was calorific trip of my choosing and of this green beating from Hulk. It is okay; chain pizza restaurants serve up a better smile and worry about satisfaction. Some family run ventures are too stuck in their glorious past. Eveyrthing is relative with the exception of one particular Japanese hotel – Hyoshi Roku Hotel and spa – (46 generations and I am sure they had to keep their act up to exist till date )

PS don’t do mixed salad here nor their house salad. And don’t ask them to do a drink with mixer. Stick to the vintage and the vineyard you know and make sure to check the date they bring. I ordered one particular wine: Brunello di Montalcino, Pian delle Vigne, Antinori, 2006 and i remember the vintage of 2007 showing up. No how canI not remember; PS there is a price difference here but the waiter didn’t acknowledge it. Yes we were lost in translation. Although Brunello 2008 is much better vintage. But principle in details and in wine it matters. A slight difference in an entire year MATTERS not only in price, taste but also in integrity.

I have been to Delfino quite a few times actually but there are so many better offerings not too far from it who get it right. These guys don’t.

No desserts again as the hulk do occasionally believe in some sanctity of the aortas and the ventricles upon choosing.

It is an old FAD for the frog types 🙂

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